I was a single mom for quite a few years before I married my wonderful husband. It was me and my daughter for a long time and I understand completely, from my own experience, how difficult it can be to be a single parent. However, there are a few things that I have seen other single mom's do that I don't understand...
When I was a single Mom, I busted my ass working 2 and 3 jobs most of the time. I did what I had to do, as most of us parents do, wether you're single or not. This is just something we do, especially if you choose to have a child...right? I didn't live with my parents my entire life and expect to be taken care of by them or by Welfare.
When I was a single mother, and even now, I never kept my daughter from her father. Oh, of course he and I had some disagreements from time to time, even over finances, as most parents do when they are not together. However, I knew that my daughters' relationship with her father was very important and should be kept seperate from our financial discussons. One has nothing to do with the other. I am so glad I did that, too, because, unlike some parents, I know I will never have to answer to my daughter for keeping her away from her father. No, their relationship isn't perfect, but I let them figure it out; and anyway, who has a perfect relationship with any parent when they are a teenager? LOL..
See, I don't believe in keeping a child from their other parent, unless that parent has caused physical harm to the child, especially if you're only doing it out of spite. I have seen women do this for different reasons.."Oh, he won't be with me so I'm not letting him have anything to do with the child..." Sound familiar? Guess what? If you do this, YOU will be the one answering to your child when it is all said and done. When you lie to the child about the other parent to cover your own ass...Eventually, when the child is older, that child will learn the truth and figure it all out. Once that happens, it's too late to try and fix the situation. The damage is already done and YOU are the one who caused the damage, so you will have no one to blame but yourself. Good luck talking your way out of that one! By the way, when you keep your child from the father or the mother, you are not only keeping them from the other parent, but another entire family such as the childs' grandparents, aunts, uncles and sometimes even siblings. So, your spitefullness starts hurting a lot more people than it's original target.
Another good one are the women who don't name the father on the birth certificate....really, come on already people! Do you really not know who the father is?? If you don't know, then you have a bigger problem than I thought...Every child deserves to know where he or she comes from. They have a right to know their entire family and to make their own choices as they get older as to wether or not they wish to be a part of that family. What if there was a genetic disorder or something else that you needed family medical history on or something? (No, this is not so far fetched, either. I have several friends who have had to deal with genetic disorders and family medical histories with their children..) What if the child ended up needing a transplant or something and the best match was a blood relative? Most important, what about the time you are taking away not only from the other parent, but that child as well, which they can never get back? Again, a lot you'll have to answer for....especially if that other parent tried repeatedly to do their part and you denied he or she that right.
Now, don't get me wrong...I have some friends that have dealt with true "dead beat dads" and I know your situations and I sympathize with you and you all know who you are. You are great Mom's who handle it all as you should and you know I agree with the way you handle you're individual situations. Please know that none of this is directed at you personally...I am speaking of the handful of single mothers out there who have not handled it the way they should of. And the ones who lie to their family and friends so that they look like the victims...this is a big difference from an actual dead beat dad.
So remember if you find yourself becoming a single parent....your child has an entire family that he or she has a right to know and that other family has the right to know the child....if you choose to live your life on Welfare, don't go looking for someone else to pay it all back when the state wants their money back...don't lie and play the victim when you did it to yourself ...... and more important than anything is that you can't give that child or anyone else all that time back you took from them out of spite...all the times he or she missed out on wether it be regular time, holidays or anything; because you wanted to be vengeful ....
If you have a child, act like an adult already....don't act like a spoiled princess who didn't get her way....
That's all for now....
Peace, Hope, Faith and Love
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